Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Struggles......the Beauty of Pain, the politics of faith

This post is an incoherent mish-mash of my thoughts....I apologize in advance for it.

I'm losing it.

I didn't post a menu this be honest, I only managed to cook half of the meals I listed for last week!

For days and days now I have been simply overwhelmed by symptoms: vertigo, double vision, nausea, and photosensitivity to the point I have to cover my face with a folder just to be able to ride in a car to a doctor's appointment. And it hurts to breathe....I may have pleurisy on top of everything else.

I haven't been to work for a couple of weeks now. I haven't even turned in my grades from the fall semester! Well, I did enter them into the online system, but I haven't turned in the paper versions yet, which is NOT good. :(

But I've been reading and re-reading a wonderful book by a friend of mine I met online at a Lupus Support Group. The book is the Beauty of Pain by Judy Dillard. Judy's wonderful testimony helps me, as a Christian, to remember that the Lord can turn anything to the good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

Even chronic pain and illness. Even that.

I don't know what He has in store for me. I have to take one day at a time now, and trust with a child-like faith that the Lord is in control. Because I am no longer in control of my life, my work, my family, my He has to be.

I haven't spoken about my faith much on this particular blog; I do have another blog where I post about these things. But I make it clear in my profile that I am a Christian and I still believe in miracles.

Mind you, I'm NOT a Christian in the sense that's portrayed lately by the American media.....I firmly believe that true Christians should stick together, regardless of party affiliations, and agree to disagree about political issues.

Christians (and everyone else for that matter) should always vote as their conscience dictates and then should pray for our leaders whoever they happen to be.

'Nuff said about that stuff. Don't post nasty comments please.


Jill said...

Beautiful post...well said! I have been having additional symptoms that have not been totally alleviated by a GF diet and now must chose my next path to wander down...

Kathryn said...

I'm sorry you are struggling with this. I find chronic illness a challenge. (Different issue.) Gluten free helps sometimes. I struggle with preparing meals & clean up.

Hope things look up for you soon.

Anonymous said...

I too was diagnosed as gluten intolerant. My thyroid gave out years before that. I had a huge goiter that I finally had removed and my thyroid went with it.

I've been to specialists and asked for all kinds of tests and researched my symptoms for years. The symptoms just kept increasing.

I also was diagnosed at having Fibromyalgia and RA (no outward symptoms though) and a lupus-like disease. My GP just kept saying I had some kind of auto-immune disease, maybe as of yet unknown and there was nothing to be done but treat the symptoms.

Next my gall bladder came out.

A myriad of symptoms have come and gone and finally I've been diagnosed as having Lyme disease by an LLMD and I started treatment.

No one but those who have sufferd a chronic illness can understand what we go through.

I've been GF for about 6 years now and it's just a way of life for me.

Hang in there!